Funny Quotes

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneres
Topic: Funny Visits: 100

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Name: Ellen DeGeneres

Topic: Funny

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Related Quotes

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

Albert Einstein
Topic: Funny Visits: 233

Funny enough, if you are looking at people these days who are putting Botox in their face and getting all sorts of plastic surgery, we look at them and go, I can tell you've had Botox. I can tell you've had plastic surgery. You look really strange to me. But no one's saying anything. We're just accepting the fact that they're strange-looking.

Guy Pearce
Topic: Funny Visits: 230

Being funny with a funny voice is more my comfort zone, a broader character that I try to humanize, a kind of silly or wacky persona that I try to fill in.

Hank Azaria
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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Peter Ustinov
Topic: Funny Visits: 216

It's funny, because I did all of these interviews as soon as I had the baby, and they were asking questions, and I really didn't have an idea of anything, because I was so blurry.

Emily Procter
Topic: Funny Visits: 215

I sometimes lie awake at night trying to think of something funny that Richard Nixon said.

Lyn Nofziger
Topic: Funny Visits: 213

The great thing is that the funny side of getting old is fuel for my comedy.

Steve Coogan
Topic: Funny Visits: 208

Memories are doing funny things to us.

Milos Forman
Topic: Funny Visits: 206

Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

Mitch Hedberg
Topic: Funny Visits: 204

No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.

Ellen DeGeneres
Topic: Funny Visits: 202

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